Logan Daniel

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This marks Logan's 22nd birthday. I am unsure why but for the first time the date showed up and somewhat surprised me. I am always very aware of March 21st, I know when it will be here and what day of the week it is on. I even get a little grumpy during the week, less so each passing year, but I still notice it.

My son was lost to us before he had a chance to meet us. It is, to this day, the worst event in my life. Losing my father was bad, but not nearly as bad as losing a child. His death triggered something very special in my life, a desire to see the Lord. Without his loss, I am unsure if I would've changed the way I did.

Yes I was angry, mad at God for taking my son. I was bitter for a very long time, but because of people I met after losing him, I realized there were no real answers coming. I would never fully understand what happened, nor why.

I found solace in various books about bad things happening to good people. I grieved deeply at a loss I could not understand, that I could do nothing about. Eventually I returned to prayer and going to church. God had been waiting for me to return and I finally did one day in 1996.

It is not easy giving up your anger and pain, I still retain some of both to this day. He provided comfort and mercy to me and my family. I spent many days still sad and angry, but those lessened each passing year. He provided me with a relief valve when I needed it, He held me when I was unable to keep going. He gave me the ability to cope, one day at a time.

I will never stop missing my son, but one day I will know him. One day I will understand why we lost him.I don't know when that will be, but I know these things will happen, I will be whole again.

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