Who am I?
So in my last post, I mentioned that I have two girls and two boys. You might ask, "How does that add up to the five you have in your profile?"
Well it doesn't, you see one thing my father and I have in common (other than a shortage of hair on top of our heads, and the way we walk) is that we have both lost a son. My brother Matthew lived for only a few short hours, after having the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, something they could not see back in 1959.
My son Logan Daniel would have been 9 years old in a month. He was stillborn at 33 weeks. It was without a doubt the worst time in my life. I felt enormous guilt, as if I had not been a good enough father, or husband. I struggled with my faith, but ultimately found my bond with God much stronger.
I spent the better part of two years grieving, and along with my wife and three other children, felt a great loss. Even after nine years the pain is still there, but most of the edge has been taken off knowing he is with the good Lord.
God saw fit to bless us with another little girl , Molly is truly Heaven sent. Every year around the beginning of March, we start to make plans for Logan's' birthday. On that very special day, we write notes to him, attach them to balloons, and send them to the heavens. I realize this is just symbolic, but it helps each of us.
The Lord used this loss to work on my heart, standing beside me as I wept, lashed out at others and struggled with myself. One of the most loving acts came not from a family member, but at work. You see I worked for MCI at the time, and shortly after going back to work, a woman I barely knew (Anne, she was an administrative assistant to one of my VP's), but had contact with, stopped me in the hallway outside her office and simply asked if she could hug me. She knew I had lost a child, she and I wept for a few minutes before I went about my business.
I still see her angelic face, once a year around this time, and I thank God that He knew exactly what I needed at that moment so I could continue on.
I did not mean to make this such a sappy post (as I sit here crying, while trying to see the screen), I just hope a few of those who read it will take something positive away, all while seeing just a little deeper into what has made me the man I am today.
Well it doesn't, you see one thing my father and I have in common (other than a shortage of hair on top of our heads, and the way we walk) is that we have both lost a son. My brother Matthew lived for only a few short hours, after having the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, something they could not see back in 1959.
My son Logan Daniel would have been 9 years old in a month. He was stillborn at 33 weeks. It was without a doubt the worst time in my life. I felt enormous guilt, as if I had not been a good enough father, or husband. I struggled with my faith, but ultimately found my bond with God much stronger.
I spent the better part of two years grieving, and along with my wife and three other children, felt a great loss. Even after nine years the pain is still there, but most of the edge has been taken off knowing he is with the good Lord.
God saw fit to bless us with another little girl , Molly is truly Heaven sent. Every year around the beginning of March, we start to make plans for Logan's' birthday. On that very special day, we write notes to him, attach them to balloons, and send them to the heavens. I realize this is just symbolic, but it helps each of us.
The Lord used this loss to work on my heart, standing beside me as I wept, lashed out at others and struggled with myself. One of the most loving acts came not from a family member, but at work. You see I worked for MCI at the time, and shortly after going back to work, a woman I barely knew (Anne, she was an administrative assistant to one of my VP's), but had contact with, stopped me in the hallway outside her office and simply asked if she could hug me. She knew I had lost a child, she and I wept for a few minutes before I went about my business.
I still see her angelic face, once a year around this time, and I thank God that He knew exactly what I needed at that moment so I could continue on.
I did not mean to make this such a sappy post (as I sit here crying, while trying to see the screen), I just hope a few of those who read it will take something positive away, all while seeing just a little deeper into what has made me the man I am today.
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